**** WARNING – CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT AND LANGUAGE ****
My husband and I have this discussion almost every day….![Image](https://realizationsruminationsandlife.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/220px-50shadesofgreycoverart.jpg?w=210&h=315)
Me: “Honey, they’re really good books. You should read them before you call them ‘smut’.”
Hubs: “I’m not going to read them. They’re sex books for bored, lonely, desperate housewives. That doesn’t apply to me. I didn’t think it applied to you. I’m surprised you read them…and liked them.”
Me: “There’s more to them than the sex. You’d know that if you’d just give them a chance.”
Hubs: “For the last time, NO!”
His adamant insistence that these books are only for the desperate and under-sexed has prompted me to spend a lot of time analyzing why these books are so popular with women. I know THAT many women can’t be lonely, desperate, and bored. No, there’s something else that attracts women to these books. Yes, there is a story to them other than the sex, but the sex is like the main character in the book. In another blog post I stated that it’s such an integral part of the story that it should be considered a character and should even be named (The Lady in Red).
While I can’t speak for everybody, I think I have several ideas as to why these books have hit a “sweet spot” so to speak with women across the country.
A Hot Guy – For those of us who aren’t married or in a relationship (and maybe even for some who are), a total hottie is a great way to get our attention in a story. I’ve been married to good looks long enough, though, that it takes more than a hot guy to get my attention.
A Hot Guy who also happens to be a Humanitarian – It goes a long way to melting a woman’s heart when a guy is sensitive to the needs of others. Make him drop dead gorgeous to boot and you’re sure to have the women swooning.
Vulnerable – Most women are maternal by instinct. When we see something or someone hurt or injured we immediately want to smother it with love and affection to make everything better. For me, this becomes especially so if a guy cries. OMG! I’m a very stoic woman who doesn’t cry often (it takes A LOT to make me cry). However, you show me a guy crying and it creates an immediate reaction in me. Nothing makes me fall apart faster. The main character in 50 Shades has that vulnerability and it strikes a protective, possessive chord.
Money/Power – Okay, who wouldn’t want all their bills paid and still have unlimited amounts of cash to spend on just whatever the hell they have a whim to buy today? Car not running right? To hell with fixing it, we’ll just go buy a new one. Money and power affords you every convenience you can imagine, but as 50 Shades also shows, it comes with a price that money can’t pay. Privacy is often sacrificed. Your every move and choice, from the way you cut your hair to the shoes you wear, is scrutinized and publicized. People literally stand by and wait for you to fail. Plus, for those like me who are fiercely competitive and independent, I would have issues with a controlling guy who wanted to buy everything for me instead of letting me earn it myself. So, where money and power is concerned, this wasn’t something that really appealed to me that much.
An educated lover – Now, this is where I started paying attention. There is nothing that turns me on more than the thought of a guy who knows how to send a woman out of her mind with orgasmic pleasure, whether by using the tools that God gave him or the tools that man made for him. An educated lover is like an experienced craftsman who knows how to use his hands and tools combined to create a masterpiece…and women love nothing more than a good piece of art!! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
I think a lot of women are in the closet with their desires for “kinky fuckery”, just waiting for the invitation from their lover to try something new and adventurous. It’s nothing to be ashamed of – there is nothing wrong with bringing pleasure to yourself or your lover as long as no one is hurt (mutual consent and legal age requirements withstanding). I think the greatest thing in the bedroom is a clear set of hard and soft limits so that both parties know right from the start what they can and can’t do. This can prevent some awkward moments and can help open the door of communication for things desired.
Passion – Passion is the one thing that makes a female feel like a woman – and not just any woman but a living, breathing goddess. When a man is passionate with his woman – whether it’s during foreplay or sex – it tells her that he wants her, wants to worship her body, and needs her for his own…and women need this. Women need to feel wanted, cherished, and desired. Despite our constant wisecracks about guys and their egos, I’ll be the first to admit that women have egos too – and ours are equally fragile. Now, I understand that it can’t be hot, steamy, ripping-each-others-clothes-off all the time, but passion is critical not just for the relationship but also for the self-esteem of the people involved. Egos need stroking once in a while no matter which side of the gender line you’re standing on.
Now, for the “grand finale” – the one thing that 50 Shades has (or didn’t have, in this case) that got my attention the most………….
Refractory period – For those of you who may not be familiar with the term, the refractory period is the time it takes for men to be able to get an erection again after they’ve ejaculated. Some guys are lucky and it’s only a few hours, but most guys aren’t ready to go again until the next day. I couldn’t help but notice in 50 Shades that refractory periods just didn’t exist. No matter if he’d just gotten off 5 minutes or 5 days ago, our leading guy was ready to go again at a moment’s notice. As much as we ladies wish this were so, in most cases it just aint gonna happen. Don’t despair, though, ladies because here’s some advice for your man….if he’s willing to submit to a little “kinky fuckery” he can still provide you with as many orgasms as you can stand if he knows which tools he needs to get the job done. This goes back to the “educated lover” thing….if your lover isn’t educated, perhaps you should consider becoming a teacher!
I realize that most guys aren’t going to read the 50 Shades books, but I think they should. There are a lot of relationship lessons in the trilogy, not just about the importance of communication but also about how much fun could be had in the bedroom with just a little bit of open-mindedness and education.
Of course, there’s also the consideration that the books themselves could be used as foreplay!
Can you think of a reason I may have missed? If you’re a gal with a guy, has your significant other read the books? If so, what did he think of them? If you’re a guy whose read them, why did you and did you enjoy them? I’d be interested in hearing from you.