A love letter….

Trying to get out of survival mode….

Anybody who knows me knows that I’ve been battling my weight for a while. It’s difficult because everything that can be stacked against me is. I have PCOS, which is a hormone disorder that can cause unexpected weight gain and makes losing weight very, very difficult. I also have what I call “tender kidneys” meaning anytime I try to exercise strenuously I end up with gross hematuria, aka excessive blood in the urine. Doctors haven’t been able to explain that one, but anytime it happens they make me go to zero activity until it stops. Not fun when you’re trying to lose weight.  Add on top of this a schedule that includes two teens, a 5-year old, a husband, a sick mother in-law, and a full time school schedule and you realize it’s a miracle I get time to exercise at all.

After putting on 35 pounds in the last 6 months, I finally broke down and went to my doctor. I was monumentally frustrated because I was running between 5 and 10 miles a week, eating a fairly healthy and wholesome diet, and was still packing on the pounds. I didn’t understand it. My doc ordered 13 pages worth of lab tests, a thyroid sonogram, and had me chart my entire life (sleep, diet, exercise) for an entire month. The end results floored me, almost literally, because they were so disheartening.

My lab work came back almost normal. My cholesterol was 165 and my glucose was within normal range, an especially important item to watch for those with PCOS as PCOS tends to contribute to the development of diabetes. My hormone levels were slightly off, indicating that my PCOS was slipping out of control again. My doc said a slight adjustment to my meds should reign that in. It wasn’t a big enough shift, though, to explain all the weight gain. My thyroid sonogram came back normal. I was so hoping it wouldn’t because at least that would explain the weight, even if it meant there was something wrong with me.

So, with no answers in the lab tests, my doc turned to my life chart and sat quietly from behind her desk for several minutes while I squirmed anxiously in my seat. What the hell could be wrong with me that wasn’t showing up in the labs but was causing all this weight gain?!?!?

Finally, after what seemed like forever, she looked up and said, “Your body is in survival mode, you’re fighting against yourself to lose weight.”

I let that sink in, then said the only thing I could think of…not the most eloquent or adult-like thing, but the first thing that came to mind….”What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

Fortunately, my doc has a sense of humor and she laughed as she leaned over the desk to explain her revelation to me. She pointed to my chart and made these observations:

– “You’re only getting about 5 hours of sleep a night. You need to be getting at least 6 to 8. Your body is exhausted all the time and can’t metabolize properly.”  …..okay, I had to give her that one. I can’t remember the last time I made it to bed at a decent hour. Just too much to do.

– “You’re not taking in enough calories. You’re eating right, but you’re not eating enough nor often enough, so your body is storing every calorie it can get because it thinks it’s starving.” …….Wait. Back the truck up. I’m not eating enough???? How am I going to eat more and lose weight?   “Simple.” she says, “stay away from bread, limit grains, and focus on vegetables and proteins like fish and chicken…oh, and don’t eat after 8pm.”  Childish, yes, but flashbacks of the movie ‘Gremlins’ played through my head. Couldn’t help it.

– “While your cortisol levels were normal, I’m concerned your stress level may be contributing to your weight retention. Try to relax. Do yoga, take walks, have some quiet time.”  ………. Walk? I run.

–  “Yeah, about your running. You’re blowing past your target heart rate. Buy yourself a heart rate monitor and use it. Do 30 minutes of cardio within your target heart rate range and I bet you’ll start to lose the pounds.”

“Seriously,” she said, “right now your body thinks it’s fighting for it’s life.”

She then proceeded to show me an exercise that she does to help stay fit. She claimed it’s a miracle exercise that requires nothing but a couple of 3-pound weights and a few minutes a day and it will accomplish everything that I’m currently getting out of a 45-minute run. The exercise looks humiliating to do (which is why I hadn’t done it until today) – squat like you’re on the toilet, and the stand up and reach like you’re taking something off of a shelf. Squat. Lift. Use the weights while lifting for arm strength. Do 3 sets of 25 every day and the results will be evident. To say that I was skeptical would be a huge understatement.

I left my doc’s office that day completely defeated. All my hard work had been for nothing. I felt like a failure. And I stayed in this mental funk until this morning when I put on my shorts and they were so uncomfortably tight that I got pissed off enough to actually DO something.

When I got home from taking my little guy to school I grabbed my Galaxy player, my earbuds, and my 3-pound weights, and I stood in the middle of the study getting ready to do squats and lifts. I scoffed at the idea of it…like such a simple exercise could actually accomplish anything. Yeah, right!

5 squats/lifts in I broke a sweat. By the time I reached 10 in my first set my thighs were on fire. By the time I hit 20 my 3-pound weights felt like 15-pounders. 25 wasn’t happening fast enough. I walked around for about 5 minutes after the first 25.  My legs felt like jello and my arms felt like they were going to fall off. I went back and did my next set of 25 and by the time I finished I was SOAKED.  I was literally sweating as much as I would sweat during a 45-minute, 14.5 minute per mile run! I finished that set beginning to feel like there might be hope after all, that it had to be working the muscles because I could feel it.

By the time I finished the third set, I LOOKED like I’d just run a marathon…which is saying something when you consider I’ve been in air conditioning the entire time. I’ve decided to put my skepticism aside and try this for a month and see how it goes. Tonight I’ll be going for a walk, maybe even a run, but I’ll be using my new heart rate monitor when I go. I’ve been working on my sleep and am now up to between 6 and 7 hours a night. The stress….well, I’m still working on that. But I will work on it and I will try to change because I don’t want my body to be in a constant state of survival mode, not when it doesn’t need to be.

So, here’s my question to all of you out there trying to lose weight…..are you really fighting your weight, or are you fighting yourself? You may want to think about whether you’re living or ‘surviving’.

 

My tribute to Boston

This video holds two messages. First of all, to Boston – my love and prayers go out to you and those impacted by the senseless acts of tragedy that took place during the Boston Marathon and the chaos that ensued. Second, to those from other countries that sent their prayers and best wishes…..THANK YOU from a grateful American.

Running tip for well-endowed women

I like to run. I love the way it clears my mind, allows me to focus, and is getting me into a better shape (round is a shape but not my preferred one). Of course, when I run I have to don some serious top wear to hold down the twins lest I come home with black eyes. This, and the overall effect of running, creates a situation that drives me crazy – sweat running down in between my boobs. I can not stand the trickling feeling, or the feeling of it pooling underneath them. UGH!!!

So, one day while getting ready to go out for a run in sweltering 95 degree temperatures, I tried something out of sheer frustration. I took a wrist sweatband and crammed it between my boobs. I then went out on an almost 3-mile run to see how well it was going to work. Guess what? NOT A DROP!!! The sweatband absorbed everything before I ever felt it – no trickling, no pooling, NOTHING…well, nothing except a very wet sweatband. I don’t care, though, it worked!!! I can now run without drowning the twins! YAY!!!

I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes and going “Really?”, and some of you are probably saying, “I can’t believe someone would actually post this!”, but if you’re a well-endowed woman who likes to run and who can’t stand the feel of sweat trickling down, then this tip might be beneficial to you. Hope it helps.

Happy running and stay safe out there!

Invisible from the outside…..

while being super functional (and absorbent) on the inside!!