Emma Watson as Anastasia Steele?

The internet is abuzz with rumors that Emma Watson, whom most people know as Hermione Granger in the infamous Harry Potter series, has signed on to play the role of leading lady Anastasia Steele in E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey.

When I first read this I was mortified! Like most of the world, I watched Emma grow up right in front of me on the silver screen. I still think of her as the sweet little girl that Hermione started out as, even though by the end of the series she was a beautiful, independent, young woman.  While even I have to admit that Watson has all the right looks and abilities for the part, I also have to admit that I’m not sure I could stomach seeing her naked. It just feels……wrong.

For those who feel like me, though, there is good news – though I’m not sure how good it is for Emma. According to Gossip Cop, a representative for Ms. Watson has denied any claims that she has been signed on or is in negotiations to play the 50 Shades role. While this leaves speculation open as to who is being considered, 50 Shades author James adamantly insists that casting for the movie is still several months away.

Until such time as more information is released, speculation continues. Inquiring minds want to know…..who would you like to see cast as Anastasia Steele?

50 Shades Highlights the Benefits of a Sex Contract

The world is abuzz with talk of the 50 Shades of Grey. Is it a good book? Is it porn? Why do women love it so much? Who will they cast in the upcoming movie?

All of those questions aside, I thought there were facets of 50 Shades that made good relationship advice. One such facet was the use of a sex contract. For those who haven’t read the book, the sex contract outlined potential bedroom activities and gave the option of okaying it or labeling it as a hard  or soft limit. A hard limit is something that is completely out of the question and is not even up for discussion. A soft limit, on the other hand, is something that a person is willing to learn about and possibly even try. If it’s enjoyed then it moves to the “ok” list and if not it becomes a hard limit. Violation of a hard limit is grounds to end the relationship. Plain and simple.

There are definite pros to using a sex contract, whether you’re just becoming intimate or if you’ve been married for several years. First of all, it creates a safe zone. Whether it’s outlining something as simple as oral sex or delving as deep as sadomasochism, defined limits let you and your partner know what is and is not allowed. This can head off awkward moments of rejection later.

Another pro to using a contract is the opportunity it gives couples to discuss what they are and are not interested in trying. For example, a husband who has always wanted to try anal sex with his wife, but who has been unsure or afraid of approaching her with his desire, now has the opportunity to bring it up and ask her whether it’s on her “ok” list or a limited item. This can be doubly true for women who may still be uncomfortable voicing what feels good.

As I mentioned before, a sex contract can have benefits even for couples who have been together for a long time. People change, their desires change, even their bodies change and can change what feels good. As a result, things that might have been hard limits 2 years ago could be a soft limit now….or conversely, something that was an “ok” might now be a hard limit. Regardless, it opens the door to communication, which is a critical aspect of any successful relationship. Sex contracts in committed relationships can provide the same safe zones and opportunities as it would for a new relationship with the added benefit of possibly rekindling some of the passion that may have dwindled over time.

Here’s my question to you….what do you think about this? Would you use a sex contract? Why or why not? Inquiring minds want to know!   🙂

50 Shades set to become a Movie

Everyone has been making a production out of 50 Shades, but it would appear that now Hollywood has gotten on board with it, too. 50 Shades of Grey is in development right now at Universal Studios and does not as of yet have a scheduled release date.

According to IMDB, actors considered for the role of 50 include Jessie Pavelka, Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Taylor Kitsch, Ian Somerhalder, Chris Pine, Cam Gigandet, Matt Bomer, Henry Cavill, Chris Hemsworth, Chace Crawford, ‘Alexander Skarsgard’, Armie Hammer and Ryan Gosling.  Actresses considered for the role of Ms. Steele include Lyndsy Fonseca, Minka Kelly, Ashley Greene, Lucy Hale, Elizabeth Olsen, Lily Collins, Amanda Seyfried, Nina Dobrev, Emilia Clarke, Isabel Lucas, Alexandra Daddario, Shailene Woodley, Kaya Scodelario and Bella Heathcote.

If you were the director, who would you cast?

Why Women Love 50 Shades of Grey

**** WARNING – CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT AND LANGUAGE ****

My husband and I have this discussion almost every day….

Me: “Honey, they’re really good books. You should read them before you call them ‘smut’.”

Hubs: “I’m not going to read them. They’re sex books for bored, lonely, desperate housewives. That doesn’t apply to me. I didn’t think it applied to you. I’m surprised you read them…and liked them.”

Me: “There’s more to them than the sex. You’d know that if you’d just give them a chance.”

Hubs: “For the last time, NO!”

His adamant insistence that these books are only for the desperate and under-sexed has prompted me to spend a lot of time analyzing why these books are so popular with women. I know THAT many women can’t be lonely, desperate, and bored. No, there’s something else that attracts women to these books. Yes, there is a story to them other than the sex, but the sex is like the main character in the book. In another blog post I stated that it’s such an integral part of the story that it should be considered a character and should even be named (The Lady in Red).

While I can’t speak for everybody, I think I have several ideas as to why these books have hit a “sweet spot” so to speak with women across the country.

A Hot Guy – For those of us who aren’t married or in a relationship (and maybe even for some who are), a total hottie is a great way to get our attention in a story. I’ve been married to good looks long enough, though, that it takes more than a hot guy to get my attention.

A Hot Guy who also happens to be a Humanitarian – It goes a long way to melting a woman’s heart when a guy is sensitive to the needs of others. Make him drop dead gorgeous to boot and you’re sure to have the women swooning.

Vulnerable – Most women are maternal by instinct. When we see something or someone hurt or injured we immediately want to smother it with love and affection to make everything better. For me, this becomes especially so if a guy cries. OMG! I’m a very stoic woman who doesn’t cry often (it takes A LOT to make me cry). However, you show me a guy crying and it creates an immediate reaction in me. Nothing makes me fall apart faster.  The main character in 50 Shades has that vulnerability and it strikes a protective, possessive chord.

Money/Power – Okay, who wouldn’t want all their bills paid and still have unlimited amounts of cash to spend on just whatever the hell they have a whim to buy today? Car not running right? To hell with fixing it, we’ll just go buy a new one. Money and power affords you every convenience you can imagine, but as 50 Shades also shows, it comes with a price that money can’t pay. Privacy is often sacrificed. Your every move and choice, from the way you cut your hair to the shoes you wear, is scrutinized and publicized. People literally stand by and wait for you to fail. Plus, for those like me who are fiercely competitive and independent, I would have issues with a controlling guy who wanted to buy everything for me instead of letting me earn it myself. So, where money and power is concerned, this wasn’t something that really appealed to me that much.

An educated lover – Now, this is where I started paying attention. There is nothing that turns me on more than the thought of a guy who knows how to send a woman out of her mind with orgasmic pleasure, whether by using the tools that God gave him or the tools that man made for him. An educated lover is like an experienced craftsman who knows how to use his hands and tools combined to create a masterpiece…and women love nothing more than a good piece of art!! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

I think a lot of women are in the closet with their desires for “kinky fuckery”, just waiting for the invitation from their lover to try something new and adventurous. It’s nothing to be ashamed of – there is nothing wrong with bringing pleasure to yourself or your lover as long as no one is hurt (mutual consent and legal age requirements withstanding). I think the greatest thing in the bedroom is a clear set of hard and soft limits so that both parties know right from the start what they can and can’t do. This can prevent some awkward moments and can help open the door of communication for things desired.

Passion – Passion is the one thing that makes a female feel like a woman – and not just any woman but a living, breathing goddess. When a man is passionate with his woman – whether it’s during foreplay or sex – it tells her that he wants her, wants to worship her body, and needs her for his own…and women need this. Women need to feel wanted, cherished, and desired. Despite our constant wisecracks about guys and their egos, I’ll be the first to admit that women have egos too – and ours are equally fragile. Now, I understand that it can’t be hot, steamy, ripping-each-others-clothes-off all the time, but passion is critical not just for the relationship but also for the self-esteem of the people involved. Egos need stroking once in a while no matter which side of the gender line you’re standing on.

Now, for the “grand finale” – the one thing that 50 Shades has (or didn’t have, in this case) that got my attention the most………….

Refractory period – For those of you who may not be familiar with the term, the refractory period is the time it takes for men to be able to get an erection again after they’ve ejaculated. Some guys are lucky and it’s only a few hours, but most guys aren’t ready to go again until the next day. I couldn’t help but notice in 50 Shades that refractory periods just didn’t exist. No matter if he’d just gotten off 5 minutes or 5 days ago, our leading guy was ready to go again at a moment’s notice. As much as we ladies wish this were so, in most cases it just aint gonna happen. Don’t despair, though, ladies because here’s some advice for your man….if he’s willing to submit to a little “kinky fuckery” he can still provide you with as many orgasms as you can stand if he knows which tools he needs to get the job done. This goes back to the “educated lover” thing….if your lover isn’t educated, perhaps you should consider becoming a teacher!

I realize that most guys aren’t going to read the 50 Shades books, but I think they should. There are a lot of relationship lessons in the trilogy, not just about the importance of communication but also about how much fun could be had in the bedroom with just a little bit of open-mindedness and education.

Of course, there’s also the consideration that the books themselves could be used as foreplay!

Can you think of a reason I may have missed? If you’re a gal with a guy, has your significant other read the books? If so, what did he think of them? If you’re a guy whose read them, why did you and did you enjoy them?   I’d be interested in hearing from you.

The Misconception of 50 Shades of Grey

Like millions of women around the country, I was recently sucked into reading the 50 Shades trilogy. Much to my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed the books. They were as scandalous and tantalizing as I’d heard, and they definitely conform to the general definition of what is considered ‘porn’. Despite all the negative press it’s received, though, I  think the sex is an integral part of the storyline and the story wouldn’t be the same without it.

When discussing the books this morning, I was kind of shocked when my husband said “I’m surprised you read the books. Those are generally understood to be for desperate housewives who are bored and lonely, and I didn’t think you were either”. There’s a lot of psychology in the answer to that statement and I’m going to save that for another post. Aside from that, though,  I was intrigued that the books had that stereotyping. Only for the bored, lonely, and desperate?

At first I thought this may have simply been his perception of the books. However, a quick google will tell you right away that many people (mostly men, yes, but quite a few women too) have the same thoughts. 50 Shades, overall, is thought to be just about the sex.

The truth is that it really isn’t…the sex is simply part of the story…a critical part, too. It explains the history of the main character, how and why he interacts with others the way he does, and it defines his future as well.  Sure, there is some gratuitousness in the descriptions….but I think even that could be chalked up as  “character development”. The sex is such an integral, critical aspect of the story that it almost becomes one of the characters. It should be one of the characters…..maybe we should call her the Lady in Red. LOL. Those of you who have read the books will appreciate that.

Bottom line is this….50 Shades is a great story about power, seduction, love, mystery, and danger. Kind of sounds like a James Bond movie, doesn’t it? Perhaps the media should have painted it that way – James Bond with graphic detail. I bet then the men would be all over it too and it wouldn’t be stuck with the “housewife porn” label that everyone has so presumptuously given it.

Hmmm…..James Bond for women. That’s better.  🙂